I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
