Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
