Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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