I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
