Acid is not a monday night drug
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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