Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
