4 words: hood of his car
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
