3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
