He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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