you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
