Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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