Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I looked at my own cervix.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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