i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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