real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
