it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
