I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So vagazzling was a success
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
