the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
