About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
