put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize