i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
