cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
