areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
