First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
