I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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