Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
