Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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