i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize