the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
