Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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