I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize