you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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