I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
