Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
