$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
