I wish I could punch you in the face.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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