yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
