Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
