I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
