Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
