I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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