Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Randomize
