Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
