so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
