he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
