All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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