thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
