1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
