apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
don't judge my taste in strippers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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