Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize