The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
