I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
