is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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