I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
