bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
