Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
