Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your cock deserves a montage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
