so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was like eating out sand paper
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
