put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
