I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
