How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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