R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
