i just google imaged poop.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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