I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
