He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize