i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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