I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
