Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
