Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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