the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
