respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
