i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
