She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
