I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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