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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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