Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
