we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
