Porn is love you can see.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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