I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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