I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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