I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
