i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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