On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
