i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
