know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
