allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
