the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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