btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
