Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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