The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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