Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
