If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
