There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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