You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
