according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
