I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
