i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
