i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
