I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
