somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
