Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
