I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
